05.173
bhīṣma uvāca॥
Bhishma said:
sā niṣkramantī nagarāccintayāmāsa bhārata. pṛthivyāṃ nāsti yuvatirviṣamasthataraā mayā ॥ bāndhavairviprahīnāsmi śālvena ca nirākṛtā ॥5-173-1॥
As she left the city, she pondered, 'O Bhārata, there is no woman on earth more distressed than I am. I have been abandoned by my family and rejected by Śālva.'
na ca śakyaṃ punargantuṃ mayā vāraṇasāhvayam। anujñātāsmi bhīṣmeṇa śālvamuddiśya kāraṇam ॥5-173-2॥
I cannot return to Vārāṇasāhvaya again. Bhīṣma has permitted me concerning the matter of Śālva.
kiṁ nu garhāmyathātmānamatha bhīṣmaṁ durāsadam। āho svitpitaraṁ mūḍhaṁ yo me'kārṣītsvayaṁvaram ॥5-173-3॥
What should I blame, myself, the formidable Bhishma, or perhaps my foolish father who arranged my self-choice ceremony?
mamāyaṃ svakṛto doṣo yāhaṃ bhīṣmarathāttadā। pravṛtte vaiśase yuddhe śālvārthaṃ nāpataṃ purā ॥ tasye(yaṃ) phalanirvṛttiryadāpannāsmi mūḍhavat ॥5-173-4॥
This is my self-made fault that I did not fall from Bhishma's chariot during the terrible battle for Shalva's sake in the past. This is the consequence of that, as I have now fallen like a fool.
dhigbhīṣmaṃ dhikca me mandaṃ pitaraṃ mūḍhacetasam। yenāhaṃ vīryaśulkena paṇyastrīvatpraveritā ॥5-173-5॥
Shame on Bhishma and my foolish father, who, being dull-minded, gave me away like a purchased woman for a price of valor.
dhiṅ māṃ dhik śālv(a)-rājānaṃ dhig dhātāram athāpi ca | yeṣāṃ durnīta-bhāvena prāptāsmy āpadam uttamām ॥ 5-173-6 ॥
I am ashamed of myself, the king of the Śālvas, and even the creator, for it is through their wicked conduct that I have encountered this dire calamity.
sarvathā bhāgadheyāni svāni prāpnoti mānavaḥ। anasyāsya tu mukhaṃ bhīṣmaḥ śāṃtanavo mama ॥5-173-7॥
In every way, a man achieves his own fate. However, the cause of this misfortune is Bhishma, the son of Shantanu, who is mine.
sā bhīṣme pratikartavyamahaṃ paśyāmi sāmpratam। tapasā vā yudhā vāpi duḥkhahetuḥ sa me mataḥ ॥ ko nu bhīṣmaṃ yudhā jetumutsaheta mahīpatiḥ ॥5-173-8॥
She perceives that Bhishma must be opposed either through penance or combat, as he is the source of distress, in her view. Which king indeed would dare to defeat Bhishma in battle?
evaṃ sā pariniścitya jagāma nagarādbahiḥ। āśramaṃ puṇyaśīlānāṃ tāpasānāṃ mahātmanām ॥ tatastāmavasadrātriṃ tāpasaiḥ parivāritā ॥5-173-9॥
Having made up her mind, she left the city and went to the hermitage of the virtuous and great-souled ascetics. There, she spent the night in the company of the ascetics.
ācakhyau ca yathā vṛttaṃ sarvamātmani bhārata। vistareṇa mahābāho nikhilena śucismitā ॥ haraṇaṃ ca visargaṃ ca śālvena ca visarjanam ॥5-173-10॥
O Bharata, the mighty-armed one narrated in detail everything that happened within himself, with a pure smile, including the abduction, release, and dismissal by Shalva.
tatastatra mahānāsīdbrāhmaṇaḥ saṃśitavrataḥ। śaikhāvatyastapovṛddhaḥ śāstre cāraṇyake guruḥ ॥5-173-11॥
Then, there was a great Brahmin, known for his firm vows, belonging to the Śaikhāvata lineage, who had grown in austerity and was a teacher of both the scriptures and the forest texts.
ārtāṃ tām āha sa muniḥ śaikhāvatyo mahātapāḥ। niḥśvasantīṃ satīṃ bālāṃ duḥkhaśokaparāyaṇām ॥5-173-12॥
The great sage of Śaikhāvati, a man of great penance, addressed the young, virtuous girl who was deeply distressed and sighing, overwhelmed by sorrow and grief.
evaṃ gate kiṃ nu bhadre śakyaṃ kartuṃ tapasvibhiḥ। āśramasthairmahābhāgaistapanityairmahātmabhiḥ ॥5-173-13॥
O auspicious one, in such a situation, what indeed can be accomplished by ascetics, those residing in hermitages, the fortunate, and the great souls who are constantly engaged in penance?
sā tvenamabravīdrājankriyatāṃ madanugrahaḥ। pravrājitumihecchāmi tapastapsyāmi duścaram ॥5-173-14॥
She then said to the king, "Please grant me this favor. I wish to renounce worldly life here and undertake a difficult penance."
mayaivaitāni karmāṇi pūrvadeheṣu mūḍhayā। kṛtāni nūnaṃ pāpāni teṣāmetatphalaṃ dhruvam ॥5-173-15॥
It is certain that these sinful actions were performed by me in previous bodies when I was deluded, and this is their definite result.
notsaheyaṃ punargantuṃ svajanaṃ prati tāpasāḥ। pratyākhyātā nirānandā śālvena ca nirākṛtā ॥5-173-16॥
I cannot return to my people, O sages, as I have been rejected and left joyless by Śālva.
upadiṣṭam ihecchāmi tāpasyaṃ vītakalmaṣāḥ। yuṣmābhir devasaṅkāśāḥ kṛpā bhavatu vo mayi ॥5-173-17॥
I wish to be instructed here in penance, free from sins, by you all who are god-like. May your grace be upon me.
sa tām āśvāsayat kanyāṃ dṛṣṭāntāgamahetubhiḥ। sāntvayām āsa kāryaṃ ca pratijajñe dvijaiḥ saha ॥5-173-18॥
He comforted the girl with logical examples and scriptural references, assuring her and promising to accomplish the task with the help of the brahmins.
