15.005
Dhṛtarāṣṭra’s intention to go to the forest.
Dhritarashtra said.
You know how the destruction of the Kurus occurred; all of that should be understood as due to my fault, O Kauravas. (15-5-1)
I am the one who anointed Duryodhana, a wicked-minded and deluded man who brought fear to his kinsmen, as the sovereign of the Kauravas. (15-5-2)
Because I did not attentively heed the command of Vāsudeva, saying, "Let this wicked one along with his attendants be killed immediately," thus spoke the evil-minded (one). (15-5-3)
Though overpowered by affection for his son, he was given beneficial advice by the wise—by Vidura, then by Bhishma, as well as by Drona and Kripa. (15-5-4)
At every step, this is what torments me today: by the venerable Vyāsa, by the great-souled Sañjaya, and then by Gāndhārī.
And as for this brilliant prosperity inherited from father and grandfather, which I have not given to the virtuous and great-souled son of Pāṇḍu, (15-5-6)
Seeing the destruction of all the kings, Bhīma (the elder brother of Gadā), Janārdana (Kṛṣṇa) considered this course as the highest good. (15-5-7)
He, I always bear these falsehoods—though ended from myself—like thorns in the heart, by thousands. (15-5-8)
But especially, I, a very wicked-minded person, am indeed scorched for fifteen years; for the sake of purifying this sin, I am disciplined. (15-5-9)
At the appointed fourth time, even occasionally in the eighth, I eat only to remove thirst; Gandhari knows this about me. (15-5-10)
Everyone among the attendants always thinks, 'He prepares the food for me.' The Pandava, knowing this due to fear of Yudhishthira, suffers greatly. (15-5-11)
Lying on the ground, devoted to muttering, on darbha grass, covered with a deerskin, Gandhari, the illustrious one, was engaged in observance. (15-5-12)
Having spoken thus, the Kaurava addressed Dharmarāja: “I do not regret that a hundred heroic sons—who did not flee in battles—were slain, for indeed, that is known as a warrior’s duty.” (15-5-13)
Auspiciousness to you, O mother of the Yadavas, please hear my words: I have lived here happily, O son, well cared for by you. (15-5-14)
Great gifts have been given; rites for the ancestors performed again and again. My age is advanced, O son; my meritorious acts have been accomplished according to my ability. This is Gāndhārī, who has lost her sons; with steadfast fortitude, she also looks at me. (15-5-15)
Indeed, the offenders against Draupadī and those who deprived you of sovereignty — those cruel ones — have all perished; they were slain by justice in battle. (15-5-16)
O joy of the Kurus, I do not see any repayment to be made to them; they are all slain, mutually facing, and have attained worlds won by weapons. (15-5-17)
But today, I must reciprocate the principal welfare of myself. And so, O king, you should permit Gāndhārī for that. (15-5-18)
You are indeed the foremost among upholders of dharma, ever fond of dharma, king and teacher of living beings; therefore, I say this to you. (15-5-19)
O hero, having received your permission, I shall take refuge in the forests; O king, wearing bark and garments of bark-cloth, I will dwell as a forest-dweller together with Gandhari, making use of your blessings. (15-5-20)
O father, it is proper for us, in our family, for all (of us), O bull among the Bharatas, to entrust sovereignty to the sons and, at the end of life, to retire to the forest, O king. (15-5-21)
There, O hero, I shall live with this wife of mine, subsisting on air or even wholly without food, and practice the highest austerity. (15-5-22)
You too, dear king, indeed are an enjoyer of the fruits of austerities. For kings are indeed enjoyers of results, whether good or otherwise. (15-5-23)
