15.005
dhṛtarāṣṭrasya vanagamanasaṅkalpaḥ
Dhṛtarāṣṭra’s intention to go to the forest.
dhṛtarāṣṭra uvāca॥
Dhritarashtra said.
viditaṁ bhavatāmetadyathā vṛttaḥ kurukṣayaḥ। mamāparādhāttatsarvamiti jñeyaṁ tu kauravāḥ ॥15-5-1॥
You know how the destruction of the Kurus occurred; all of that should be understood as due to my fault, O Kauravas. (15-5-1)
yo'ham duṣṭamatiṃ mūḍhaṃ jñātīnāṃ bhayavardhanam। duryodhanaṃ kauravāṇām ādhipatye'bhyaṣecayam ॥15-5-2॥
I am the one who anointed Duryodhana, a wicked-minded and deluded man who brought fear to his kinsmen, as the sovereign of the Kauravas. (15-5-2)
yac cāhaṃ vāsudevasya vākyam nāśrauṣam arthavat। vadhyatāṃ sādhv ayaṃ pāpaḥ sāmātya iti durmatiḥ ॥15-5-3॥
Because I did not attentively heed the command of Vāsudeva, saying, "Let this wicked one along with his attendants be killed immediately," thus spoke the evil-minded (one). (15-5-3)
putrasnehābhibhūtaś ca hitam ukto manīṣibhiḥ. vidureṇātha bhīṣmeṇa droṇena ca kṛpeṇa ca ॥15-5-4॥
Though overpowered by affection for his son, he was given beneficial advice by the wise—by Vidura, then by Bhishma, as well as by Drona and Kripa. (15-5-4)
pade pade bhagavatā vyāsena ca mahātmanā। sañjayenātha gāndhāryā tadidaṁ tapyate'dya mām ॥15-5-5॥
At every step, this is what torments me today: by the venerable Vyāsa, by the great-souled Sañjaya, and then by Gāndhārī.
yaccāhaṃ pāṇḍuputreṇa guṇavatsu mahātmasu। na dattavāñśriyaṃ dīptāṃ pitṛpaitāmahīmimām ॥15-5-6॥
And as for this brilliant prosperity inherited from father and grandfather, which I have not given to the virtuous and great-souled son of Pāṇḍu, (15-5-6)
vināśaṁ paśyamāno hi sarvarājñāṁ gadāgrajaḥ। etacchreyaḥ sa paramamamanyata janārdanaḥ ॥15-5-7॥
Seeing the destruction of all the kings, Bhīma (the elder brother of Gadā), Janārdana (Kṛṣṇa) considered this course as the highest good. (15-5-7)
so'ham etāni alīkāni nivṛttāni ātmanaḥ sadā। hṛdaye śalyabhūtāni dhārayāmi sahasraśaḥ ॥15-5-8॥
He, I always bear these falsehoods—though ended from myself—like thorns in the heart, by thousands. (15-5-8)
viśeṣatastu dahyāmi varṣaṃ pañcadaśaṃ hi vai। asya pāpasya śuddhyarthaṃ niyato'smi sudurmatiḥ ॥15-5-9॥
But especially, I, a very wicked-minded person, am indeed scorched for fifteen years; for the sake of purifying this sin, I am disciplined. (15-5-9)
caturthe niyate kāle kadācid api cāṣṭame. tṛṣṇāvinayanaṃ bhuñje gāndhārī veda tan mama ॥15-5-10॥
At the appointed fourth time, even occasionally in the eighth, I eat only to remove thirst; Gandhari knows this about me. (15-5-10)
karoty āhāram iti māṃ sarvaḥ parijanaḥ sadā। yudhiṣṭhirabhayād vetti bhṛśaṃ tapyati pāṇḍavaḥ ॥15-5-11॥
Everyone among the attendants always thinks, 'He prepares the food for me.' The Pandava, knowing this due to fear of Yudhishthira, suffers greatly. (15-5-11)
bhūmau śaye japyaparo darbheṣvajinasamvṛtaḥ। niyamavyapadeśena gāndhārī ca yaśasvinī ॥15-5-12॥
Lying on the ground, devoted to muttering, on darbha grass, covered with a deerskin, Gandhari, the illustrious one, was engaged in observance. (15-5-12)
hataṃ putraśataṃ śūraṃ saṅgrāmeṣvapalāyinam। nānutapyāmi taccāhaṃ kṣatradharmaṃ hi taṃ viduḥ॥ ityuktvā dharmarājānamabhyabhāṣata kauravaḥ॥15-5-13॥
Having spoken thus, the Kaurava addressed Dharmarāja: “I do not regret that a hundred heroic sons—who did not flee in battles—were slain, for indeed, that is known as a warrior’s duty.” (15-5-13)
bhadraṁ te yādavīmātar vākyaṁ cedaṁ nibodha me. sukham asmi uṣitaḥ putra tvayā suparipālitaḥ ॥15-5-14॥
Auspiciousness to you, O mother of the Yadavas, please hear my words: I have lived here happily, O son, well cared for by you. (15-5-14)
mahādānāni dattāni śrāddhāni ca punaḥ punaḥ। prakṛṣṭaṃ me vayaḥ putra puṇyaṃ cīrṇaṃ yathābalam॥ gāndhārī hataputreyam dhairyeṇodīkṣate ca mām॥15-5-15॥
Great gifts have been given; rites for the ancestors performed again and again. My age is advanced, O son; my meritorious acts have been accomplished according to my ability. This is Gāndhārī, who has lost her sons; with steadfast fortitude, she also looks at me. (15-5-15)
draupadyā hy apakartāras tava caiśvaryahāriṇaḥ। samatītā nṛśaṃsās te dharmeṇa nihatā yudhi ॥15-5-16॥
Indeed, the offenders against Draupadī and those who deprived you of sovereignty — those cruel ones — have all perished; they were slain by justice in battle. (15-5-16)
na teṣu pratikartavyaṃ paśyāmi kurunandana। sarve śastrajitāṃllokāngatāste'bhimukhaṃ hatāḥ ॥15-5-17॥
O joy of the Kurus, I do not see any repayment to be made to them; they are all slain, mutually facing, and have attained worlds won by weapons. (15-5-17)
ātmanas tu hitaṃ mukhyaṃ pratikartavyam adya me. gāndhāryāś caiva rājendra tadanugñātum arhasi ॥15-5-18॥
But today, I must reciprocate the principal welfare of myself. And so, O king, you should permit Gāndhārī for that. (15-5-18)
tvaṁ hi dharmabhṛtāṁ śreṣṭhaḥ satataṁ dharmavatsalaḥ। rājā guruḥ prāṇabhṛtāṁ tasmādetadbravīmyaham ॥15-5-19॥
You are indeed the foremost among upholders of dharma, ever fond of dharma, king and teacher of living beings; therefore, I say this to you. (15-5-19)
anujñātaḥ tvayā vīra saṃśrayeyam vanāni aham। cīra-valkala-bhṛt rājan gāndhāryā sahitaḥ anayā॥ tava āśiṣaḥ prayuñjānaḥ bhaviṣyāmi vane-caraḥ॥15-5-20॥
O hero, having received your permission, I shall take refuge in the forests; O king, wearing bark and garments of bark-cloth, I will dwell as a forest-dweller together with Gandhari, making use of your blessings. (15-5-20)
ucitaṃ naḥ kule tāta sarveṣāṃ bharatarṣabha। putreṣvaiśvaryam ādhāya vayaso'nte vanaṃ nṛpa ॥15-5-21॥
O father, it is proper for us, in our family, for all (of us), O bull among the Bharatas, to entrust sovereignty to the sons and, at the end of life, to retire to the forest, O king. (15-5-21)
tatrāhaṃ vāyubhakṣo vā nirāhāro'pi vā vasan। patnyā sahānayā vīra cariṣyāmi tapaḥ param ॥15-5-22॥
There, O hero, I shall live with this wife of mine, subsisting on air or even wholly without food, and practice the highest austerity. (15-5-22)
tvaṁ cāpi phalabhāktāt tapasaḥ pārthivo hyasi। phalabhājo hi rājānaḥ kalyāṇasyetarasya vā ॥15-5-23॥
You too, dear king, indeed are an enjoyer of the fruits of austerities. For kings are indeed enjoyers of results, whether good or otherwise. (15-5-23)
