15.005
धृतराष्ट्रस्य वनगमनसंकल्पः
Dhṛtarāṣṭra’s intention to go to the forest.
धृतराष्ट्र उवाच॥
Dhritarashtra said.
विदितं भवतामेतद्यथा वृत्तः कुरुक्षयः। ममापराधात्तत्सर्वमिति ज्ञेयं तु कौरवाः ॥१५-५-१॥
You know how the destruction of the Kurus occurred; all of that should be understood as due to my fault, O Kauravas. (15-5-1)
योऽहं दुष्टमतिं मूढं ज्ञातीनां भयवर्धनम्। दुर्योधनं कौरवाणामाधिपत्येऽभ्यषेचयम् ॥१५-५-२॥
I am the one who anointed Duryodhana, a wicked-minded and deluded man who brought fear to his kinsmen, as the sovereign of the Kauravas. (15-5-2)
यच्चाहं वासुदेवस्य वाक्यं नाश्रौषमर्थवत्। वध्यतां साध्वयं पापः सामात्य इति दुर्मतिः ॥१५-५-३॥
Because I did not attentively heed the command of Vāsudeva, saying, "Let this wicked one along with his attendants be killed immediately," thus spoke the evil-minded (one). (15-5-3)
पुत्रस्नेहाभिभूतश्च हितमुक्तो मनीषिभिः। विदुरेणाथ भीष्मेण द्रोणेन च कृपेण च ॥१५-५-४॥
Though overpowered by affection for his son, he was given beneficial advice by the wise—by Vidura, then by Bhishma, as well as by Drona and Kripa. (15-5-4)
पदे पदे भगवता व्यासेन च महात्मना। सञ्जयेनाथ गान्धार्या तदिदं तप्यतेऽद्य माम् ॥१५-५-५॥
At every step, this is what torments me today: by the venerable Vyāsa, by the great-souled Sañjaya, and then by Gāndhārī.
यच्चाहं पाण्डुपुत्रेण गुणवत्सु महात्मसु। न दत्तवाञ्श्रियं दीप्तां पितृपैतामहीमिमाम् ॥१५-५-६॥
And as for this brilliant prosperity inherited from father and grandfather, which I have not given to the virtuous and great-souled son of Pāṇḍu, (15-5-6)
विनाशं पश्यमानो हि सर्वराज्ञां गदाग्रजः। एतच्छ्रेयः स परमममन्यत जनार्दनः ॥१५-५-७॥
Seeing the destruction of all the kings, Bhīma (the elder brother of Gadā), Janārdana (Kṛṣṇa) considered this course as the highest good. (15-5-7)
सोऽहमेतान्यलीकानि निवृत्तान्यात्मनः सदा। हृदये शल्यभूतानि धारयामि सहस्रशः ॥१५-५-८॥
He, I always bear these falsehoods—though ended from myself—like thorns in the heart, by thousands. (15-5-8)
विशेषतस्तु दह्यामि वर्षं पञ्चदशं हि वै। अस्य पापस्य शुद्ध्यर्थं नियतोऽस्मि सुदुर्मतिः ॥१५-५-९॥
But especially, I, a very wicked-minded person, am indeed scorched for fifteen years; for the sake of purifying this sin, I am disciplined. (15-5-9)
चतुर्थे नियते काले कदाचिदपि चाष्टमे। तृष्णाविनयनं भुञ्जे गान्धारी वेद तन्मम ॥१५-५-१०॥
At the appointed fourth time, even occasionally in the eighth, I eat only to remove thirst; Gandhari knows this about me. (15-5-10)
करोत्याहारमिति मां सर्वः परिजनः सदा। युधिष्ठिरभयाद्वेत्ति भृशं तप्यति पाण्डवः ॥१५-५-११॥
Everyone among the attendants always thinks, 'He prepares the food for me.' The Pandava, knowing this due to fear of Yudhishthira, suffers greatly. (15-5-11)
भूमौ शये जप्यपरो दर्भेष्वजिनसंवृतः। नियमव्यपदेशेन गान्धारी च यशस्विनी ॥१५-५-१२॥
Lying on the ground, devoted to muttering, on darbha grass, covered with a deerskin, Gandhari, the illustrious one, was engaged in observance. (15-5-12)
हतं पुत्रशतं शूरं सङ्ग्रामेष्वपलायिनम्। नानुतप्यामि तच्चाहं क्षत्रधर्मं हि तं विदुः ॥ इत्युक्त्वा धर्मराजानमभ्यभाषत कौरवः ॥१५-५-१३॥
Having spoken thus, the Kaurava addressed Dharmarāja: “I do not regret that a hundred heroic sons—who did not flee in battles—were slain, for indeed, that is known as a warrior’s duty.” (15-5-13)
भद्रं ते यादवीमातर्वाक्यं चेदं निबोध मे। सुखमस्म्युषितः पुत्र त्वया सुपरिपालितः ॥१५-५-१४॥
Auspiciousness to you, O mother of the Yadavas, please hear my words: I have lived here happily, O son, well cared for by you. (15-5-14)
महादानानि दत्तानि श्राद्धानि च पुनः पुनः। प्रकृष्टं मे वयः पुत्र पुण्यं चीर्णं यथाबलम् ॥ गान्धारी हतपुत्रेयं धैर्येणोदीक्षते च माम् ॥१५-५-१५॥
Great gifts have been given; rites for the ancestors performed again and again. My age is advanced, O son; my meritorious acts have been accomplished according to my ability. This is Gāndhārī, who has lost her sons; with steadfast fortitude, she also looks at me. (15-5-15)
द्रौपद्या ह्यपकर्तारस्तव चैश्वर्यहारिणः। समतीता नृशंसास्ते धर्मेण निहता युधि ॥१५-५-१६॥
Indeed, the offenders against Draupadī and those who deprived you of sovereignty — those cruel ones — have all perished; they were slain by justice in battle. (15-5-16)
न तेषु प्रतिकर्तव्यं पश्यामि कुरुनन्दन। सर्वे शस्त्रजिताँल्लोकान्गतास्तेऽभिमुखं हताः ॥१५-५-१७॥
O joy of the Kurus, I do not see any repayment to be made to them; they are all slain, mutually facing, and have attained worlds won by weapons. (15-5-17)
आत्मनस्तु हितं मुख्यं प्रतिकर्तव्यमद्य मे। गान्धार्याश्चैव राजेन्द्र तदनुज्ञातुमर्हसि ॥१५-५-१८॥
But today, I must reciprocate the principal welfare of myself. And so, O king, you should permit Gāndhārī for that. (15-5-18)
त्वं हि धर्मभृतां श्रेष्ठः सततं धर्मवत्सलः। राजा गुरुः प्राणभृतां तस्मादेतद्ब्रवीम्यहम् ॥१५-५-१९॥
You are indeed the foremost among upholders of dharma, ever fond of dharma, king and teacher of living beings; therefore, I say this to you. (15-5-19)
अनुज्ञातस्त्वया वीर संश्रयेयं वनान्यहम्। चीरवल्कलभृद्राजन्गान्धार्या सहितोऽनया ॥ तवाशिषः प्रयुञ्जानो भविष्यामि वनेचरः ॥१५-५-२०॥
O hero, having received your permission, I shall take refuge in the forests; O king, wearing bark and garments of bark-cloth, I will dwell as a forest-dweller together with Gandhari, making use of your blessings. (15-5-20)
उचितं नः कुले तात सर्वेषां भरतर्षभ। पुत्रेष्वैश्वर्यमाधाय वयसोऽन्ते वनं नृप ॥१५-५-२१॥
O father, it is proper for us, in our family, for all (of us), O bull among the Bharatas, to entrust sovereignty to the sons and, at the end of life, to retire to the forest, O king. (15-5-21)
तत्राहं वायुभक्षो वा निराहारोऽपि वा वसन्। पत्न्या सहानया वीर चरिष्यामि तपः परम् ॥१५-५-२२॥
There, O hero, I shall live with this wife of mine, subsisting on air or even wholly without food, and practice the highest austerity. (15-5-22)
त्वं चापि फलभाक्तात तपसः पार्थिवो ह्यसि। फलभाजो हि राजानः कल्याणस्येतरस्य वा ॥१५-५-२३॥
You too, dear king, indeed are an enjoyer of the fruits of austerities. For kings are indeed enjoyers of results, whether good or otherwise. (15-5-23)
