04.018
draupadyuvāca॥
Draupadī said.
idaṁ tu me mahadduḥkhaṁ yatpravakṣyāmi bhārata। na me'bhyasūyā kartavyā duḥkhādetadbravīmyaham ॥04-18-1॥
But this is great sorrow for me, which I am about to declare, O Bhārata. You should not find fault with me; I speak this out of sorrow. (04-18-1)
śārdūlair mahiṣaiḥ siṃhair āgāre yudhyase yadā। kaikeyyāḥ prekṣamāṇāyās tadā me kaśmalo bhavet ॥04-18-2॥
When you fight with tigers, buffaloes, and lions in the cage while Kaikeyi is watching, then confusion would arise in me. (04-18-2)
prekṣāsamutthitā cāpi kaikeyī tāḥ striyo vadet। prekṣya mām anavadyāṅgī kaśmalopahatām iva ॥04-18-3॥
Kaikeyi, having stood up watching, would also say to those women, seeing me, faultless in form, as if overcome by faintness. (04-18-3)
snehāt-saṁvāsajānmanye sūdam-eṣā śucismitā। yodhyamānaṁ mahāvīryair-imaṁ samanuśocati ॥04-18-4॥
I think that, because of affection arising from living together, this pure-smiling woman truly grieves for the cook who is being attacked by these men of great valor. (04-18-4)
kalyāṇarūpā sairandhrī ballavaś cātisundaraḥ। strīṇāṃ ca cittaṃ durjñeyaṃ yuktarūpau ca me matau॥04-18-5॥
Sairandhrī, who is of auspicious form, and Ballava, who is very handsome, both are well-formed; moreover, the minds of women are difficult to know—such is my opinion. (04-18-5)
sairandhrī priyasaṁvāsānnityaṁ karuṇavedinī। asminrājakule cemau tulyakālanivāsinau ॥04-18-6॥
Sairandhrī, always tender from loving companionship, is compassionate; and these two reside in this royal household for the same period of time. (04-18-6)
iti bruvāṇā vākyāni sā māṁ nityam avedayat। krudhyantīṁ māṁ ca samprekṣya samaśaṅkata māṁ tvayi ॥04-18-7॥
Thus, while speaking, she always used to inform me of her statements. Observing me in anger, she also suspected me in regard to you. (04-18-7)
tasyāṁ tathā bruvatyāṁ tu duḥkhaṁ māṁ mahad āviśat। śoke yauḍhiṣṭhire magnā nāhaṁ jīvitum utsahe ॥04-18-8॥
As she was thus speaking, great sorrow entered me. Immersed in grief for Yudhiṣṭhira, I am no longer able to live. (04-18-8)
yaḥ sadevānmanuṣyāṁś ca sarpāṁś caikaratho'jayat। so'yaṁ rājño virāṭasya kanyānāṁ nartako yuvā॥04-18-9॥
He who, with a single chariot, conquered gods, men, and serpents, he is now the young dancer of the maidens of King Virāṭa. (04-18-9)
yo'tarpayad ameyātmā khāṇḍave jātavedasam। so'ntaḥpuragataḥ pārthaḥ kūpe'gnir iva saṁvṛtaḥ॥04-18-10॥
He who did not satisfy the unfathomable fire in Khāṇḍava, that Pārtha, having entered the inner chambers, is concealed like fire covered in a well. (04-18-10)
yasmādbhayamamitrāṇāṃ sadaiva puruṣarṣabhāt। sa lokaparibhūtena veṣeṇāste dhanañjayaḥ॥04-18-11॥
Dhananjaya, from whom enemies always fear as he is the best among men, now remains wearing an attire that is a disgrace in the eyes of the world. (04-18-11)
yasya jyātalanirghoṣāt samakampanta śatravaḥ। striyo gītasvanaṃ tasya muditāḥ paryupāsate॥04-18-12॥
At the sound of whose bowstring the enemies trembled, the women joyfully attend to his singing. (04-18-12)
kirīṭaṃ sūryasaṅkāśaṃ yasya mūrdhani śobhate। veṇīvikṛtakeśāntaḥ so'yam adya dhanañjayaḥ ॥04-18-13॥
He, whose head shines with a sun-like crown and whose hair-ends are bound in a braid, is this Dhananjaya (Arjuna) today. (4-18-13)
yasminnastrāṇi divyāni samastāni mahātmani। ādhāraḥ sarvavidyānāṃ sa dhārayati kuṇḍale॥04-18-14॥
He, in whom all the divine weapons reside, the great soul, who is the support of all knowledge, bears (them) in his earrings. (04-18-14)
yaṃ sma rājasahasrāṇi tejasāpratimāni vai। samare nātivartante velāmiva mahārṇavaḥ ॥04-18-15॥
Indeed, thousands of kings with unrivaled prowess do not cross him in battle, just as one cannot cross the boundary of the great ocean. (04-18-15)
so'yaṃ rājño virāṭasya kanyānāṃ nartako yuvā। āste veṣapratichannaḥ kanyānāṃ paricārakaḥ ॥04-18-16॥
He is the young dancer among King Virāṭa’s maidens, remaining disguised in costume as an attendant of the maidens. (04-18-16)
yasya sma rathaghoṣeṇa samakampata medinī। s aparvatavanā bhīma sahasthāvarajaṅgamā ॥04-18-17॥
Indeed, at the sound of whose chariot, the earth along with its mountains and forests, together with all that is stationary and moving, trembled terribly. (04-18-17)
yasmiñ jāte mahābhāge kuntyāḥ śoko vyanaśyata। sa śocayati mām adya bhīmasena tav ānujaḥ॥04-18-18॥
Bhīmasena, your younger brother, in whom Kuntī’s grief vanished upon his birth, now causes me to grieve today. (04-18-18)
bhūṣitaṁ tam alaṅkāraiḥ kuṇḍalaiḥ parihāṭakaiḥ। kambupāṇinam āyāntaṁ dṛṣṭvā sīdati me manaḥ॥04-18-19॥
Seeing him adorned with ornaments, earrings, armlets, and with conch-shaped hands approaching, my mind sinks. (04-18-19)
taṁ veṇīkṛtakeśāntaṁ bhīmadhanvānamarjunam. kanyāparivṛtaṁ dṛṣṭvā bhīma sīdati me manaḥ ॥04-18-20॥
Seeing Arjuna, whose hair is braided and who wields a terrible bow, surrounded by maidens, Bhīma—my mind sinks. (04-18-20)
yadā hy enaṃ parivṛtaṃ kanyābhiḥ devarūpiṇam। prabhinnam iva mātaṅgam parikīrṇaṃ kareṇubhiḥ ॥04-18-21॥
When, indeed, he—godlike in form—was surrounded by maidens, it resembled a broken elephant scattered about by female elephants. (04-18-21)
matsyam-arthapatim pārthaṁ virāṭaṁ samupasthitam। paśyāmi tūryam-adhyasthaṁ diśo naśyanti me tadā ॥04-18-22॥
When the king of Matsya, Arjuna, and Virata approached, I saw them seated near the musical instruments; then, the directions seemed to vanish for me. (04-18-22)
nūnam āryā na jānāti kṛcchraṃ prāptaṃ dhanañjayam। ajātaśatruṃ kauravyaṃ magnaṃ durdyūta-devinam॥ 04-18-23॥
Indeed, the noble lady does not know that Dhanañjaya (Arjuna) has faced hardship, and that Ajātaśatru (Yudhiṣṭhira), the Kauravya, is immersed in distress caused by the terrible dice-game. (04-18-23)
tathā dṛṣṭvā yavīyāṁsaṁ sahadevaṁ yudhāṁ patim। goṣu goveṣam āyāntaṁ pāṇḍubhūtāsmi bhārata॥04-18-24॥
O Bhārata, thus, having seen the younger Sahadeva, lord of battles, approaching among the cows in the form of a cow, I have become pale. (04-18-24)
sahadevasya vṛttāni cintayantī punaḥ punaḥ। na vindāmi mahābāho sahadevasya duṣkṛtam ॥ yasminnevaṁ-vidhaṁ duḥkhaṁ prāpnuyāt satyavikramaḥ ॥04-18-25॥
Contemplating the deeds of Sahadeva again and again, O mighty-armed one, I do not find any wrongdoing of Sahadeva, for one of true valour to incur such suffering. (04-18-25)
dūyāmi bharataśreṣṭha dṛṣṭvā te bhrātaraṃ priyam. goṣu govṛṣasaṅkāśaṃ matsyenābhiniveśitam ॥04-18-26॥
O best of the Bharatas, I am pained, having seen your dear brother, who is like a bull among cows, attacked by a fish. (04-18-26)
saṁrabdhaṁ raktanepathyaṁ gopālānāṁ purogamam। virāṭam abhinandantam atha me bhavati jvaraḥ ॥04-18-27॥
When I see the mighty leader of the cowherds, clothed in red and rejoicing, then fever arises in me. (04-18-27)
sahadevaṁ hi me vīraṁ nityamāryā praśaṁsati। mahābhijanasampanno vṛttavānśīlavāniti ॥04-18-28॥
Indeed, the noble lady always praises Sahadeva, my heroic son, saying he is endowed with great lineage, possesses good conduct, and is virtuous. (04-18-28)
hrīniṣedho madhuravāgdhārmikaś ca priyaś ca me। sa te'raṇyeṣu boddhavyo yājñaseni kṣapāsv api ॥04-18-29॥
Shame-based refusal, righteousness with sweet words, and what is dear to me—these, O Yajñaseni, you should understand to apply even in the forests during the night as well. (04-18-29)
taṃ dṛṣṭvā vyāpṛtaṃ goṣu vatsacarmakṣapāśayam | sahadevaṃ yudhāṃ śreṣṭhaṃ kiṃ nu jīvāmi pāṇḍava ॥04-18-30॥
O Pāṇḍava, upon seeing Sahadeva, the best of warriors, occupied among cows and resting at night on calf-hide, why indeed do I continue to live? (04-18-30)
yastribhirnityasampanno rūpeṇāstreṇa medhayā। so'śvabandho virāṭasya paśya kālasya paryayam ॥04-18-31॥
He who is constantly endowed with three—form, weapon, and intelligence—that Aśvabandha of Virāṭa, behold the turning of time. (04-18-31)
abhyakīryanta vṛndāni dāmagranthimudīkṣatām। vinayantaṃ javenāśvānmahārājasya paśyataḥ ॥04-18-32॥
The groups scattered towards the one watching the rope-knot, who was guiding the horses swiftly, as the great king looked on. (04-18-32)
apaśyam enaṃ śrīmantam matsyaṃ bhrājiṣṇum uttamam। virāṭam upatiṣṭhantam darśayantaṃ ca vājinaḥ ॥04-18-33॥
I saw this splendid fish, shining and excellent, vast in form, standing near and displaying the horses. (04-18-33)
kiṃ nu māṃ manyase pārtha sukhiteti parantapa। evaṃ duḥkhaśatāviṣṭā yudhiṣṭhiranimittataḥ ॥04-18-34॥
O Pārtha, do you indeed consider me happy, O subduer of foes? In this way, I am afflicted by hundreds of sorrows on account of Yudhishthira. (04-18-34)
ataḥ prativiziṣṭāni duḥkhāny anyāni bhārata। vartante mayi kaunteya vakṣyāmi śṛṇu tāny api ॥04-18-35॥
Therefore, O Bhārata, there are other particular sufferings within me. O Kaunteya, I will tell you of those too, listen. (04-18-35)
yuṣmāsu dhriyamāṇeṣu duḥkhāni vividhānyuta। śoṣayanti śarīraṃ me kiṃ nu duḥkhamataḥ param ॥04-18-36॥
While sustained by you all, the various sufferings are drying up my body; what pain can be greater than this? (04-18-36)
