04.019
draupadyuvāca॥
Draupadī said.
ahaṃ sairandhriveṣeṇa carantī rājaveśmani। śaucadāsmi sudeṣṇāyā akṣadhūrtasya kāraṇāt ॥04-19-1॥
Disguised as a maid, I move about the royal palace and serve as Sudeṣṇā's washerwoman because of the dice-gambler. (04-19-1)
vikriyāṁ paśya me tīvraṁ rājaputryāḥ parantapa। āse kālam upāsīnā sarvaṁ duḥkhaṁ kilārtavat॥04-19-2॥
O scorcher of foes, see the intense change in me, the princess; I, being seated for a long time, experience all suffering indeed, like one afflicted. (04-19-2)
anityā kila martyānām arthasiddhir jayājayau। iti kṛtvā pratīkṣāmi bhartr̥ṇām udayaṃ punaḥ ॥04-19-3॥
The accomplishment of goals, victory, and defeat are all impermanent for mortals; with this in mind, I wait once more for the rise of the lords. (04-19-3)
ya eva heturbhavati puruṣasya jayāvahaḥ। parājaye ca hetuḥ sa iti ca pratipālaye ॥04-19-4॥
The very cause that brings victory to a man, I observe, is also the cause in his defeat; thus, I bear this in mind. (04-19-4)
dattvā yācanti puruṣā hatvā vadhyanti cāpare। pātayitvā ca pātyante parairiti ca me śrutam ॥04-19-5॥
Men, having given, beg; having killed, they themselves are killed, and others do likewise; having caused others to fall, they themselves are cast down by others; thus have I heard. (04-19-5)
na daivasya-atibhāraḥ-asti na daivasya-ativartanam। iti ca api āgamam bhūyaḥ daivasya pratipālaye ॥04-19-6॥
There is no excessive burden for fate, nor any overturning of fate; thus, I uphold again the tradition regarding fate. (04-19-6)
sthitaṃ pūrvaṃ jalaṃ yatra punastatraiva tiṣṭhati. iti paryāyamicchantī pratīkṣāmyudayaṃ punaḥ ॥04-19-7॥
Where the water that was formerly settled remains there again, thus desiring a change, I wait again for the rise. (04-19-7)
daivena kila yasyārthaḥ sunīto'pi vipadyate। daivasya cāgame yatnastena kāryo vijānatā॥04-19-8॥
Indeed, by fate, even a well-planned purpose may be ruined; therefore, at the arrival of fate, effort must be made by the wise. (04-19-8)
yattu me vacanasya asya kathitasya prayojanam। pṛccha mām duḥkhitām tattvam apṛṣṭā vā bravīmi te ॥04-19-9॥
But as for the purpose of this speech of mine that has been spoken, ask me, afflicted as I am, the truth; or, even if unasked, I shall tell it to you. (4-19-9)
mahiṣī pāṇḍuputrāṇāṃ duhitā drupadasya ca। imāmavasthāṃ samprāptā kā madanyā jijīviṣet॥04-19-10॥
I am the queen of the sons of Pandu, the daughter of Drupada—having come to this state, what woman other than I would even want to go on living? (04-19-10)
kurūn paribhavan sarvān pāñcālān api bhārata। pāṇḍaveyāṁś ca samprāpto mama kleśo hy ariṁdama ॥04-19-11॥
Overcoming all the Kurus, the Pāñcālas, and the sons of Pāṇḍu, affliction has indeed come upon me, O Bhārata, O subduer of enemies. (04-19-11)
bhrātṛbhiḥ śvaśuraiḥ putrair bahubhiḥ paravīrahan। evaṃ samuditā nārī kā nv anyā duḥkhitā bhavet ॥04-19-12॥
Endowed with brothers, fathers-in-law, sons, and many destroyers of enemy heroes, what other woman could possibly be unhappy? (04-19-12)
nūnaṃ hi bālayā dhāturmayā vai vipriyaṃ kṛtam। yasya prasādāddurnītaṃ prāptāsmi bharatarṣabha॥04-19-13॥
Indeed, O best of the Bharatas, it is certain that, being childish, I—though the wife—have truly done something wrong, by whose grace I have now come into this misfortune. (04-19-13)
varṇāvakāśam api me paśya pāṇḍava yādṛśam। yādṛśo me na tatrāsīd duḥkhe paramake tadā ॥04-19-14॥
See, O Pāṇḍava, even the space for my body now—such as it is for me—was not there during that supreme suffering at that time. (04-19-14)
tvam eva bhīma jāniṣe yan me pārtha sukhaṃ purā। sāham dāsatvam āpannā na śāntim avaśā labhe॥04-19-15॥
You alone, O Bhīma, know what happiness was mine before, O Pārtha. Now I, having fallen into servitude, helpless, find no peace. (04-19-15)
nādaivikam idaṃ manye yatra pārtho dhanañjayaḥ। bhīmadhanvā mahābāhur āste śānta ivānalaḥ॥ 04-19-16॥
I do not believe this is by fate, where Arjuna (Pārtha, Dhananjaya), and Bhīma, the mighty-armed bowman, are sitting calmly, like fire subdued. (04-19-16)
aśakyā vedituṃ pārtha prāṇināṃ vai gatir naraiḥ। vinipātam imaṃ manye yuṣmākam avicintitam ॥04-19-17॥
O Pārtha, the course of living beings is indeed impossible to know by men. I think this downfall is due to your unconsidered action. (04-19-17)
yasyā mama mukhaprekṣā yūyam indrasamāḥ sadā। sā prekṣe mukham anyāsām avarāṇāṃ varā satī ॥04-19-18॥
The one for whom you, who are always equal to Indra, constantly gaze at my face—she, although the foremost among women, looks at the faces of other, lesser women. (04-19-18)
paśya pāṇḍava me’vasthāṁ yathā nārhāmi vai tathā| yuṣmāsu dhriyamāṇeṣu paśya kālasya paryayam ॥04-19-19॥
O Pāṇḍava, see my condition—how I do not at all deserve to be thus. Even while you are here to protect me, see how time brings about change. (04-19-19)
yasyāḥ sāgaraparyantā pṛthivī vaśavartinī। āsītsādya sudeṣṇāyā bhītāhaṁ vaśavartinī ॥04-19-20॥
She, for whom the earth extending to the ocean was under her control, now I, fearful of Sudeṣṇā, am subject to her authority. (04-19-20)
yasyāḥ puraḥsarā āsan pṛṣṭhataś cānugāminaḥ। sāham adya sudeṣṇāyāḥ puraḥ paścāc ca gāminī॥ idaṃ tu duḥkhaṃ kaunteya mamāsahyaṃ nibodha tat॥04-19-21॥
She, for whom once there were attendants going in front and followers behind—today, I am going in front and behind for Sudeṣṇā. Know, O son of Kuntī, that this sorrow of mine is unbearable. (04-19-21)
yā na jātu svayaṃ piṃṣe gātrodvartanam ātmanaḥ। anyatra kuntīyā bhadraṃ te sā-adya piṃṣāmi candanam ॥ paśya kaunteya pāṇī me na evaṃ yau bhavataḥ purā ॥04-19-22॥
I have never prepared sandalwood ointment for my own body, except when your mother Kunti did so. Today, for your welfare, I myself grind the sandalwood. See, Kaunteya, my hands are not as they were before, as when I did this for you earlier. (04-19-22)
vaiśampāyana uvāca॥
Vaiśampāyana said.
ityasya darśayāmāsa kiṇabaddhau karāvubhau। draupadyuvāca॥
Thus, she showed his two hands bound with shackles. Draupadī said.
bibhemi kuntyā yā nāhaṃ yuṣmākaṃ vā kadācana। sādyāgrato virāṭasya bhītā tiṣṭhāmi kiṅkarī ॥04-19-24॥
I am not ever afraid of Kuntī or of you. But now, in front of Virāṭa, I stand as a frightened female servant. (04-19-24)
kiṃ nu vakṣyati samrāṇ māṃ varṇakaḥ sukṛto na vā। nānyapiṣṭaṃ hi matsyasya candanaṃ kila rocate॥04-19-25॥
What, then, will the king say to me—whether I am a skillful painter or not? For it is said that sandalwood paste is not pleasing to a fish when it is not its proper food. (04-19-25)
vaiśampāyana uvāca॥
Vaiśampāyana said.
sā kīrtayantī duḥkhāni bhīmasenasya bhāminī. ruroda śanakaiḥ kṛṣṇā bhīmasenamudīkṣatī ॥04-19-26॥
Kṛṣṇā (Draupadī), the radiant woman, while recounting the sufferings of Bhīmasena, slowly wept as she gazed at Bhīmasena. (04-19-26)
sā bāṣpakalayā vācā niḥśvasantī punaḥ punaḥ | hṛdayaṃ bhīmasenasya ghaṭṭayantī idam abravīt ॥04-19-27॥
She, her voice tinged with tears and sighing repeatedly, disturbing Bhīmasena's heart, spoke these words. (04-19-27)
nālpaṃ kṛtaṃ mayā bhīma devānāṃ kilbiṣaṃ purā। abhāgyā yattu jīvāmi martavye sati pāṇḍava॥04-19-28॥
O Bhīma, the sin I committed against the gods in the past is not small. O Pāṇḍava, it is because of misfortune that I continue to live when I ought to die. (04-19-28)
tatas tasyāḥ karau śūnau kiṇabaddhau vṛkodaraḥ। mukham ānīya vepantyā ruroda paravīrahā॥04-19-29॥
Then Bhīma (Vṛkodara), the destroyer of enemy heroes, brought the face of the trembling woman near, and, seeing her hands empty and covered with dust, began to weep. (04-19-29)
tau gṛhītvā ca kaunteyo bāṣpam utsṛjya vīryavān। tataḥ paramaduḥkhārta idaṃ vacanam abravīt॥04-19-30॥
Then the mighty son of Kuntī, having taken them and having shed tears, deeply afflicted with extreme grief, spoke these words. (04-19-30)
